Just Julian

Pain~

2010-11-24T03:57:00.002+08:00

Funny how after so long,
it still burns,
a hot metal rod to the heart?
the clouds never clearing up for good?
only a moment of glimpse of sunshine,
which fades away as quick as it appeared.
what would you do?

C'est la Vie ?

2010-10-09T03:22:00.003+08:00

Never knowing what would help,
never knowing what is happening,
never feeling sane,
even when time and sunshine doesn't work anymore,
there is so little left to it.

Let it dance~

2010-08-29T02:57:00.008+08:00

Music: Tennessee Waltz-Norah Jones

'Prettiest thing,
lie down here next to me,
and just forget about everything,
let everything just fall behind,
just for a moment,
let it be true'

this feeling thats too familiar~

2010-08-20T01:20:00.004+08:00

The same wall over and over again
never breaking through
scaling up and down for a passage through
when the numbness gets to you
life is such meaningless

This Path~

2010-08-16T23:48:00.004+08:00

This path im living
never the one i ever wanted
always sheltered from the sunshine
never knowing whats on the other side anymorE

The Edge

2010-08-06T17:53:00.001+08:00

Ever come to the thought of killing to get rid of whats bugging you everyday?

I did.

~ It wasnt a dream~

2010-07-30T00:19:00.003+08:00

Is was just a dream, no?
At least i thought i was,
not till today,
browsed through and it wasn't..
the numbness overwhelm me,
the bricks never seem to pile up,
even the strongest,
the sunshine is just too strong,
please pour through the darkness. .

Forever

2010-07-26T09:05:00.001+08:00

THe only night in months where i sleep like a normal human,
Yet you never fail to drop by,
is there ever an end to all this,
is this life?torment is the price to pay?
if its so,i need a guide out of this...
PleasE

The other half.

2010-07-15T19:01:00.002+08:00

MInd fuck

2010-07-12T12:33:00.002+08:00

Almost every night i see you,
im clueless on what to do,
i want to be free,
isn't there a way? im desperate.
Don't know how long more i can go on like this. .

It still skips a beat

2010-07-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

It still hit the note when there is a glimpse,
it still stop and skips,
The nights ever changed,
It just grew longer,
Still wishing for the same every mor,
Good things never last,
When would the light pour through?

The firing squad

2010-06-23T20:05:00.003+08:00

There always isn't a hole too big to dig urself out from,
but i still cant find a way out,
almost out of breath,
enchanting as it seems, everynight it lasted for awhile,
till the break of dawn,
when i know it was all gone,
i need the firing squad.

Days

2010-06-19T03:19:00.005+08:00

Miss the days where i don't dream about you,
the days that i never needed any sunshine to pull me through,
the days
when i can laugh at something funny,
when i can cry at times of sadness,
when sorrow hatred revenge was out of reach,
days that i feel alivE.

am i living my sins?

Beneath it all

2010-06-14T01:24:00.003+08:00

What a shame
We all become such fragile, broken things
A memory remains just a tiny spark.

here

2010-06-09T00:47:00.004+08:00

You were here,
on the passenger seat,
i just stared,
before you disappeared when the honks break the silence,
as the lights turn green,
where did you go?

Now. .

2010-06-05T16:31:00.003+08:00

Sleepless nights for months
what would it takes to not feel any?
till im totally consumed by it?
finding a way
hoping that 1 day i wake up finding that there is more to love
till then,turn out the lights
kill off the sunshine
there isn't any left inside.

2010-06-01T16:38:00.006+08:00

" It all just seems so fake, ya know?
this idea that good things happen to good people.
That there's magic in the world,
and that the meek and the righteous will inherit it.
Too many good people suffer for that to be true.
Too many prayers go unanswered.
And every day it just gets worse.
Every day we ignore how truly broken this world is,
and we tell ourselves it's all going to be okay. But it's not going to be okay.
And once you know that,
there's no going back.

There's no magic in the world...
at least today there isn't."

You're a Mirror

2009-06-05T21:55:00.003+08:00

You reflect how I feel
in the most literal sense of the phrase

When I'm annoyed and impatient
You get annoyed and impatient
Because I'm annoyed and impatient

So because you're annoyed and impatient
I get even more annoyed and impatient
And we end up snapping at each other
Until one or the other relents.

When I'm upset
You get upset
Simply because I'm upset
Then I see you being upset
And I get even more upset
Which makes you more upset.

It's a vicious cycle.

Lesson learnt: I have to be careful of my expressions.

But...
sometimes when I'm feeling happy or playful
you still look upset or bothered
and nothing I do cheers you up.

How?

Lesson to teach: Be a better mirror.

Sometimes.

2009-05-26T22:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes all I need is a hug
Sometimes all I need is a kiss
Sometimes all I need is for you
to put your arms around me
kiss my forehead
stroke my hair
and tell me everything will be alright

Sometimes all I need is a smile
Sometimes all I need is a reassuring touch
Sometimes all I need is for you to be cheerful
and my world would just seem
that much brighter

Sometimes all I need is you next to me
Sometimes all I need is your presence
Sometimes all I need is for you
to say you understand how I feel
and say you're next to me, body and soul,
every step of the way

Sometimes.

Casus belli....

2009-05-07T17:07:00.003+08:00

Dear General Ee,

regretfully, you have shown no mercy.
you have issued continued attack,
with absolutely no sympathy.
your idealistic concept of
"one for me, half for you"
has gone too far.

i hereby declare WAR!
the next pack of cheezels are ALL MINE!

GRRRRRR.

me no likey torrenting :(

2009-05-05T21:05:00.003+08:00

how is it that there are 29207 seeds,
and none of them are online?!

GRRRRRRRRRRR.

You call me Ms Sunshine but...

2009-05-03T11:40:00.002+08:00

I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It's only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a
I wear a
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Just a quick observation...

2009-04-17T10:06:00.002+08:00

"Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

And down will go baby, cradle and all."

with such a morbid lullabye,
it's no wonder people in the world today are so disturbed.
probably from all the traumatising nights they were lulled to sleep.
LOL.

berstudy-studying...

2009-04-16T02:20:00.002+08:00

so now that the finals are barely a month away...
suddenly the library becomes our fav hangout spot...

and then there are those times we feel a little lazy...
so we hangout at starbucks or sleep instead -.-

okay, MIA for a month or so.
lotsa studying to do and assignment deadlines next week!

DND.DND.DND.DND.DND.DND.DND.

I feel like....

2009-03-23T18:34:00.002+08:00

... a fruitcake.

today is Day 1 of fasting for Easter
only another 20 more to go! :D

Juju decides ~~to torture himself~~ that he doesnt want to miss out on the fun
and so he's fasting too!

just fruits and fluids for 21 days :)

meal portions, as you can see,
are rather biased.
and as if my apple is not small enough,
he took a huge bite out of it...
... before feasting on his own

i think i have met a bigger fruitcake than myself :D

let's see how long the dear boy lasts :)

Bedtime Story IV: Letting Go

2009-03-18T00:51:00.003+08:00

as the days passed
the princess got used to humble life
no more the fluttering socialite
she is content with living life like this
with herself, with simple things
with the boy whom she loved so much
and with the goat, whom she eventually made acquaintance

she had learnt to live life simply
with bare necessities
knowing all it takes is God
and a little faith... for her to carry on.

but a nagging feeling persists
she has wiped out every trace
of what used to be potential princes...
but has he?

while taking a stroll
around their quaint little garden
she chanced upon something she shouldnt have

what feelings it stirred in her!
anger, jealousy, anxiety, self-consciousness;
how she hated these feelings...
all negative and disgraceful,
all that she shouldnt be feeling.

soon, the princess will have to leave
she has been sent on a diplomatic visit
to a faraway foreign country
and she is to remain there, for a while.

will these feelings be amplified?
or will they die off...
and allow her to trust him wholeheartedly?

will the boy know of these feelings?
does he feel the same?
will he be reassuring, or defensive?

the princess is sick with worry...

~Ms Sunshine~

Bedtime Story III: Monsters

2009-03-11T09:38:00.004+08:00

As the hero and his painstakenly-rescued princess
ran and seeked refuge in the shelter of the forests
The monster would still be sniffing hard for them
and the couple lived in fear

Every creak
Every crunch
Every waft of wind
would make either one of them turn and watch out

They were vigilant
They were cautious
and most of all
they were afraid
yet the hero never let his fear show
and played his role of the protector well

Many times the princess wanted to surrender
to end it all and make life easier for the both of them
but she would think of the freedom she was giving up
a hope and a future
with the dashing boy that would one day be her prince
and she would never have the heart to leave him...

day by day
her feelings for him grew stronger
he made sure every need was taken care of
showered her with love and concern
everytime she stole a glance at him
she couldnt help but fall deeper and deeper in love...

one day
a bellow was heard across the land
"FINE, GO AWAY WITH HIM
NEVER COME BACK. I WILL LEAVE YOU IN PEACE"

the princess was in disbelief
did the monster really give up?
she was filled with a new sense of hope
still... lets be careful, she told herself.

time passed and it would seem
like the monster has really let her go
but that didnt stop the nightmares

every night, the princess would be awoken
drenched in sweat
heart pounding hard
soul filled with fear

the monster's violence had left a mark on her

even as our hero held the fragile girl
held her close and whispered in her ear
telling her everything will be alright

it was all too real
it was all too vivid
it was... a nightmare.

the wounds are still fresh
the pain is still excruciating
and the fear is still there

will the princess ever come to forget this?
will she heal and be her carefree self once again?

she would certainly hope so... for both their sakes.

~Ms Sunshine~

Bedtime Story II: Je t'aime aussi

2009-02-21T17:25:00.006+08:00

As the princess spent her time over the summer

she could not help but notice

a charming boy who always climbed and sat on a tree outside

watching her every move...

She was unsure at first, did he have any ill intentions?

But as the days passed,

she found that she enjoyed the boy's company

even though it was from afar.

She would constantly glance to see if he was there

Her heart would leap if she saw the familiar figure

and sink if the space between the branches were empty.

The summer was drawing to an end

It was time to return to the palace...

Would she see the boy again?

Would he ever ask for her hand?

The palace held her like a prison

She was sure there was no hope of ever seeing the boy

Little did she know,

under the pretense of delivering goods,

the boy managed to sneak into the palace

There he was, courageous and brave

but he had not yet met the monster

the monster who guarded the princess so fiercely

who let no one come near her

One cold winter's night

the boy wrapped the princess in warm clothing

and whispered to her "come away with me"

Taken aback, the princess could not help herself
She had fallen deeply in love with the boy

the boy who made her heart flutter and fly...

They fled, and went to a faraway place

Away from the people, away from the gods

Just the both of them basking in the love they shared

Forgetting everything and everyone, without a care in the world

Lying under the stars

Taking walks around the lake

Watching the sunrise on the beach...

Alas, it was not (yet) happily ever after.

The monster soon caught up

angry that its precious princess was gone

For days and nights it hunted them down

But the boy and the princess kept running

Nothing could keep them from being together

Many times the princess stumbled and fell

and the monster nearly got a hold of her

But it was that many times

the courageous boy, the hero,

lifted her up to her feet, and told her to go on

when she was too tired and wanted to give up

he did not let her, and carried her without complaint.

The monster is still out there...

Still hunting... still searching...

Will they manage to escape?

Will they have the chance to live happily ever after?

Only time will tell...

~Ms Sunshine~

~Bedtime Story~

2009-01-25T04:46:00.009+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a kingdom far far away. The princess has the smile of the sun ~sunshine like~. Her sunshine would shine without fail, even when the sky seem to be at tears, a rainbow would always appear after that. And in that very same kingdom lived a boy, nothing much than a ordinary country boy which only have his goat in accompany. One day, he caught a glimpse of that sunshine. She was on her carriage heading towards her summer place. It instantly pierced through his heart and also all his worries. It was something magical that had happened upon him, something he can't explain, non of words could describe. Everyday the boy would climb a tree that's high enough to look over the walls and there would the princess be. He would sit there the whole day just to look at her laughter and smile that seem be the missing piece to his puzzle. Soon the golden leaves from the tree started to fall, it was time for her to return to the palace. He was determined to wait till next summer to ask for her hand. Would it be by then he would be disenchanted? Was it just a dream that seemed all too real? So real that when he woke up he did not know what to believe. What would he do in hope to find a ending in most fairy tales where the princess and the boy lived happily ever after.

Depressed

2008-10-04T03:12:00.004+08:00

'Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not.
Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end...
there is only darkness.
Sometimes we find others in that darkness,
and sometimes we lose them there again'

~The Loft~

2008-06-27T14:33:00.004+08:00

After some time, its finally time to get laid again~!!! See you guys there~!!! Notthingham Clubbing, wander how is it gonna be. From the last outing heard from the dudes that it was all pack with guys {only dicks poking against you}that was his exact words.Well just hope i wouldn't get drunk and wake up in some unknown place like what happened to my friend during the last outing, haha. Lucky him it was some gorgeous lady. Thats all for now. Ciao

~ Uni by night ~

2008-06-22T01:44:00.006+08:00

Some pics i took on the way back from Uni at 5am .

The main building and the moon.

Blue and Red block

Lake

Bridge from Uni to home

Walkways

Whee~

2008-06-20T06:05:00.001+08:00

First post! Am i honoured! hee...

I'm not Julian aka Zhi How (don't know why he chose the name Julian anyway, i thought it's a girl's name), but i'm Xin Wei, his gorgeous cousin who's ever so nice to help him create this blog and design the header for him.

Now that i think of it..the design's a tiny lil abit too girlish for a guy....uh...what to do, i'm a girl, couldn't help it. Sorry la..heh..

But STILL....it's nice don't you think???

Zhi How! do you like it??

You owe me J co's!! =D nah..just kidding.

It's 6.15 am now. woohoo..yea, i didn't sleep. i didn't plan to sleep anyway, planned to do my figure (as in human) assignments. Welcome to an art student's life =D.

Just designed the header for a break, to release stress. =)

You may be wondering why the ballet pic above. (ZH sorry for contaminating your blog with girly stuff!! =P)

Firstly, it's orange!

Secondly, i took that pic for composition class few days ago and i love it. My favourite pic for now. It means something special to me personally. =)

Ahh..i miss dancing in those slippers. Can't fit already.

Ok lah, i've taken enough space.

Zhi How start blogging!!!

Ok then, good night! Ops...i mean..good morning! =)

A start..